I don’t post publicly much about Grace. She doesn’t like it, first of all. Her life is hers to live, and her story, only hers to tell. Of course, now, nearly two years later, her story and mine have become so interwoven, that I could not tell my own without somehow telling bits & pieces of hers.
But, there are things I long to say, and lessons learned I wish to share. Mostly, I just want everyone to know there is no f***ing way we could be doing this, if it hadn’t been God who first said to. And also, his plans are far greater than our own.
C. S. Lewis tends to get it right on a lot of things. His quotes often stop me in my tracks. For this season we are in, this quote has been my reality.
“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”
Never have I doubted that Grace joining our family was a God thing. I have always known this was God’s best for her life, and for ours. I have doubted. I have regrets. But I have never doubted her. And never will I regret her.
It has just been far more painful than I imaged it would be.
Several months ago, my dear friend, Helen Joy, asked to photograph Grace and me for her Sacred Roots project. These images below are what she took. Inspired by the way roots anchor a tree through every season, be it fierce storms, or hopeful springs, Helen Joy, followed a vision to photograph women “who dig down deep when it’s not easy.” I am honored to be part of the unfolding of this project, but I am more than anything, thankful – for there is so much hope in the reminder that there is Something greater than our hearts, and whatever pain we may be feeling. The last image brings swells of emotion for me every time I look at it. It is everything I feel in one picture, with my body held by roots strong and firm.
Before you scroll further, press play. God gave me this song several months ago. I’ve held it close, fearful to share it, and be slapped in the face with my own hypocrisy. If that image is everything I feel, this song is my heart put to music.